QIC: Dirty Mike
PAX: GNR, Socrates, Carbon Copy, Visa, Crayola, Apache, Tommy Boy, Houdini, Crab Legs
The night before the workout, Visa sends me a workout from F3GoldRush titled, “The Worst Workout Ever” (https://f3goldrush.com/2021/07/29/the-worst-workout-ever/).
In true Dirty Mike style, I accepted his offer.
0525: Clock strikes 0525, but we stretch to let in any stragglers (Apache, cough cough).
I waited for stragglers because no one would find us on the trail we were running, or at least so I thought . . .
LORDS PRAYER
PAX run down the trail. Let’s count off. TEN PAX . . .
Start off with Welsh Dragons to 10:
Remain in plank position the whole time. Bear crawl forward 4 steps, do 1 merkin, 1 plank jack, and tap the BACK of each shoulder 1 time. Repeat adding 1 rep to each exercise each time – bear crawl forward 4 steps, do 2 merkins, 2 plank jacks, 2 sets of back of shoulder taps, etc. Go until you get to 10 reps each, you’ve covered 30-50 feet, or until your arms fall off – whichever comes first.
PAX run further down the trail and perform “Elevens” at each forth tree:
An exercise in which you start with 1 rep of one exercise and 10 reps of another exercise, then add one additional rep to the first exercise and subtract one rep from the second. The sum must always add up to 11. Example: Elevens along the trees at with Burpees and Big Boy Sit-up-Ups. Start with 1 Boy Sit-up-Up and 10 Burpees at the first tree, then 2 Boy Sit-up-Ups and 9 Burpees at the second tree, then 3 and 8 etc. until you do 10 Boy Sit-up-Ups and 1 Burpees at the last tree.
HALFWAY through “Elevens,” we reach the perfect grassy field to do “Guantanamo”:
PAX in a circle on their backs heels up. First PAX jumps up and pushes the feet down around the circle fighting to keep legs off the ground. Followed by next PAX in line then hit the ground legs up when back to your start position until last man finishes the circle.
Next, each PAX led a three-count “Nolan Ryan”:
Start in a side plank position with your ungrounded arm extended. Complete a punching motion as if someone, namely Robin Ventura, were under your other arm.
This is when things got WEIRD.
As we were performing the “Nolan Ryan,” one of the PAX only completed punches on one side, and was then cut short by Socrates. PAX seemed upset. After all PAX had their turn at leading the Nolan Ryan, I circled back to the PAX who was cut short. Was it GNR? Carbon Copy? Visa? Crayola? Apache? Tommy Boy? Crab Legs? Houdini? It has to be Houdini. No. I didn’t recognize this PAX. And we only counted 10 total. I said: “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met, I saw you only led one arm of the Nolan Ryan. What’s your name?” Random PAX: “ZAMBONI. From Jacksonville.” While everyone was confused as to how or when Zamboni from Jacksonville joined us, he led three more punches. Then Zamboni jumped up and said: “Now give me 10 Burpees!” Dirty Mike: “No. There are plenty more Burpees to come.” Zamboni then started to run away. While PAX were as confused as a blind dog in a meat house, someone asked him how he found us. Zamboni: “I saw the flag.” PAX: “But how did you find us on the trail?” Zamboni: “I hid your keys. I’m Zamboni, but the downtown Zamboni. I’m leaving now.”
And just as soon as he somehow joined us, for God knows how short or long, he left. Into the woods. Into the mist. Into the unknoooooown! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jp-CVYGEsjg).
PAX proceeded to run back down the trail and complete their “Elevens,” but the Burpees and Big Boy Sit-up-Ups didn’t hurt like they used to. This wasn’t “The Worst Workout Ever,” it was “The Weirdest Workout Ever.”
Once PAX completed their Elevens and made it back to the flag, this is what we found:
That’s right. The FLAG was moved. The WATER BOTTLES were moved, and organized into what appears to be a cross symbol.
0615
COT: PAX considered facing outwards in a circle, so that we could see if Zamboni was lurking in the woods. Okay, back to reality. PAX shared that we need each other to be accountable and transparent. We need to be in the Word. We need to be the complete F3, not just Fitness, but also Fellowship, and Faith. And I truly think we are.
PRAYER (Visa).
PLEDGE.
- DM. 30.
